So today was the day, I was racing in a local 5k race andsub30 was the goal. I had been preparing for this race for some time, and itwould be a perfect opportunity to get that sub30, as the race was held at anairfield, so it was perfectly flat, and as luck would have it, perfect runningweather. So, all was set up for that PB, all I had to do was run like my lifedepended on it! This would set me up perfectly for a sub60 in next year’sRegency 10k.
On Thursday night I ran with Regency Runners in their 5ktime trial, and came in 30:46, so I felt reasonably confident that I would beable to shave off at least a minute to get that elusive sub30. My problem isthat every race I have ever competed in, for one reason or another, I havesomehow managed to fuck it up, why I thought today would be any different Idon't know, but I managed to fuck it up massively.
I have never been too bothered about time, getting out thereand running was always my primary goal, but since London Marathon I realisedthat if I want to call myself a proper runner, then I need to concentrate on myfitness and get faster, hence the hours in the gym. The main reason for this iswhen I ran London Marathon, I was close to two stone heavier than I am now, soI associate me running London Marathon with Extra Fat Laura, something that Iam working hard to move away from. I don’t want to be known as the fat girlthat finished London Marathon, I want to be known as the girl that changed theperson who she was and became a proper runner, make more sense now?
I don't quite know what went wrong today; I tried so hard,maybe too hard to run a good race. I struggled to keep up with my runningfriends so decided to keep focused on me and run my own race rather than runtoo fast for the first half and then struggle to finish. As it turns outwhatever race plan I had didn't work out and theirs did, all my running matesgot that elusive sub30, yet I came in at 32:14, not even close, there is noexcuse for that. I've never felt so crushed, as no matter how hard I had triedto run faster, it just wasn't happening, I had given it everything I had, andthe result was beyond shit.
So now I have to look at where I go from here, my initialfeeling is to just stop, as with a time like that running obviously isn’t mything, but I know that feeling is only temporary, and is stemming from a)feeling incredibly embarrassed, and b) being really really angry with myselffor fucking it up again. I could get up tomorrow and take myself out for a 5krun and given it another go, maybe it just wasn’t right on the day, but then ifI run tomorrow and don’t do it, it will confirm that I am in fact shit and willgive me more reason to quit.