Time for some honesty

Ok, lets be honest about this. Since I have started this journey of losing weight, I've achieved so much, and shown that I have the potential to do what ever I put my mind to, right? Let me get this straight, even though I can be a miserable cow and a bit of a whiner, that's not what this post is about, its simply being honest, nothing in this post will be exaggerated or blown out of proportion, it's simply just how it is, it's fact, no more no less.

So, over the last few months I've been learning to swim, getting back on a bike, running faster...all great things, but something else has been happening and I've been ignoring it. My diet has slipped, and strength training has reduced significantly which has resulted in a 7lb gain. This was never in the script and I'm now back where I was in December.

It has occurred to me that over the last 3 months I have been saying that my weight has stabilised, I can't get passed that dreaded number no matter what I do, but it's ok as I hadn't gained weight. When in fact, after weighing myself on Saturday morning it seems that I have, and quite a lot of it. I could have ignored it of course, and carried on pretending that I wasn't gaining weight but Saturday really struck a cord, and I knew what I had to do, instead of kidding myself, I needed to admit it to someone, that in fact I was failing.

So that's exactly what I did, I know @TheIron_Bear will always put things in perspective and tell me how it is, so I messaged him and admitted my failing to him. Then before my bike ride on Sunday with Anne I told her, and did something I never do which was to admit my weight. As soon as I had done this, I felt in control again, clean eating over the weekend seemed easy, now just the small matter of training!

It occurred to me that I had actually wasted the last 5 months, the progress that I had made had been scuppered by stuffing my face with any food that I shouldn't eat with the excuse of "I'm training later", then substituting those strength sessions for some sort of cardio. This problem was evident yesterday when I went to the gym with the intention of giving myself a hiding and throwing a strop with my weak legs for not even getting the basics, simple walking lunges and my balance was off, back down to my knees for press ups, bent legs for dips. It just wasn't working, I felt massive and heavy, like I was lugging myself around so I tried a different tactic. I tried some new exercises that I hadn't done in some time and managed to get them out ok, then actually surprised myself with squats on the wobble board. But I still came away with that feeling of failure, walking lunges are my thing, and I'm bloody good at them, so struggling to push out 30 is not acceptable, by any ones standards!

The other thing that hammered it home to me is seeing the progress of others, @jbeccx was a runner who I managed to bump into about mile 15 at VLM2012, who was looking for something different to do and started strength training after the New Year, she has made amazing progress and has lost 12% of her body fat, and at the weekend shaved 9 minutes from her half marathon pb, without really doing much running! Pretty amazing! When I read this I was really chuffed for her, she has obviously worked really hard for this, but I couldn't help thinking "hmmmm, howcome it hasn't worked for me? Why am I still struggling?" I think this is obvious, Becca has clearly put the work in and I clearly haven't. Yes, I have said it, I am jealous of her progress, but have I anyone else to blame apart from myself? Absolutely not, it's me that decides what I shove in my mouth, no one forces that, it's me that misses training or does something less effective. What's the point in me moaning that it hasn't worked for me, if I haven't been doing it right. Am I guilty of sitting on twitter and letting people think I'm still making progress, probably, I have turned into those people I hate! What Becca has proven is that is it absolutely possible when you give it everything and make the sacrifices that you need to achieve your goals.

So, where do I go from here? Well, honestly it has to be back to the drawing board. I have clearly lost a lot of strength which my gym session yesterday had proven, which horrifies me that that will mean I haven't just gained 7lbs, but more than likely double that in pure fat. This grosses me out, and has made me so cross with myself and determined not to let this fat beat me again, because this time I have nowhere to hide.

Excuse me, it's Laura Brownlee

Four months ago, completing a triathlon would have been a nonstarter. I wouldn't have even entertained the idea, my response would have been I'm scared of water, can't ride a bike, not doing it, no way! The idea was planted into my brain a few months ago by @TheIron_Bear, although it took me some time to agree to it, or more importantly to believe that I could do it. But I have done it, yesterday I completed my first ever triathlon, with a gammy swim stroke, a shitty bike and a dodgy run! Believe me, it won't be my last!

I was lucky that a fellow Regency Runner, Anne had also entered the Tri, so I had had someone to train with over the last few weeks, and also someone to share my worries with about the day itself. With a week to go, I had no worries about the actual swim, ride or run; it was putting it all together, and the transitions. I had a million things going through my head, how do I do this, what do I do with that, where do I go for this, when do I do this. I knew that no matter how prepared I was, until I got there, I wouldn't know for sure.

Anne and I had decided to register the day before, just in case it was too busy on race day, so we were able to have a look at them setting up transition and exits and entrances, which settled us a little bit. We had also decided to get to the venue for around 10am, which was two hours before our call time.

The time flew by, we had a walk around and made sure we knew where everything was, and by watching others in transition we could see exactly what we needed to do and it answered all our questions. We then went and had a look at the other competitors during the swim and again this settled our nerves, as we saw many of the swimmers swimming off of nans! I could do that before the training!

We weren't allowed to rack our bikes until 15 minutes before our start time, which gave us only 5 minutes to rack our bikes, lay out our kit and get to the pool. We found a space to rack the bikes and I took note of where the bike was before stripping off into swim kit. Anne had had the sensible idea of buying a tri suit, I was just going to brave it in my swim suit, but I had a last minute fear of getting out my wobbly bits so made the decision to wear some cycle shorts underneath, this was a stupid idea, and I paid for it later on! So with wobbly bits hidden we walked through to the pool and listened to the safety brief, where we were told it was perfect weather, and no wind (liar!) and given a swimming cap to put on, I have never worn one of these in my life so getting it on was an issue and it snapped in my eye in the process, ok good, things are going well!

We then lined up in numerical order ready for the off, Anne was 5 places in front of me, and we had already discussed competing for ourselves, so we had agreed to meet at the end. The first couple of lengths were challenging, it usually takes me 250m or so to warm up so with only a 200m swim this could be a problem, but after that first 60 odd metres I felt good and overtook a couple of people, then for my last 2 lengths I felt good and was able to crawl where I went passed a couple more people but then was delayed getting out the pool as there was a small queue, I exited the water in just over 6 minutes.

I ran down into transition and saw Anne heading out on her bike; I found my bike easily enough and set about getting my kit on. Getting my capris on was a bit of a panic as they were sticking to my wet legs and this then made me panic and trying to get on all my kit at the same time, I had one sock on, one glove on, no t-shirt and a trainer in my hand.....I went to pick up my helmet then realised I was being ridiculous so composed myself and got dressed like an adult, then got my trusty mountain bike off the rack and off I went on the 23k ride.

The start of the bike course is in Stratford town centre so there are pedestrian crossings to get through before you get on the main road out of the town, of course all three were on red so this slowed me down as I had to stop at each one, then a car decided to park in the middle of the road so not a great start! It was only a mile or so before I started to get overtaken by a few faster riders on roadbikes (me and Anne were the only people there with mountain bikes!!) but I did pass a few riders in the first half of the ride. About halfway I started to regret wearing shorts under my swim suit, I was a little (very) uncomfortable so I started to countdown the miles, 8 to go!

As turned onto the A46 to head back to Stratford the wind nearly blew me backwards! Just in time for the bloody great hill, ok good. I thought I was going to die up that hill, it just seemed never ending and the wind was relentless, but again I managed to pass a few people on the way up, but still the riders on road bikes were gliding passed, making it look easy! I was seriously hurting, and they were out on a Sunday ride! After the hill it was then mainly downhill into Stratford and back to the leisure centre., I managed to get off the bike in the right place and went to run with my bike to rack it up, one problem, my legs were like lead, I just did it anyway, racked the bike and took a few seconds to have a drink, and take off my helmet. By this time it had started to rain, which is my favourite to run in.

I ran through transition to go off on the run and my legs were still like lead! In the brick sessions I had done previously my legs had run away with me so I wasn't expecting them to be so heavy, but I kept going and figured they would wake up at some point, and if they didn't, they would only have to drag me around for 2.5k! The run was an out and back, so me and Anne passed each other as she was on her way back and we gave each other a high five, I got to the turn point and then the legs woke up, and I was able to put my foot down, a guy passed me with about 750m to go, he wasn't motoring along so I decided to try and stay with him, which I did until he bolted for a sprint finish, I had nothing more as I already felt like I was sprinting!! I crossed the line in 1:37:07, and placing 29th! Anne had done brilliants and finished in 1:31:49 and placing 19th!

Looking at the winners times, I was faster than her in the water and only 4 seconds behind her in the run, yet her ride was 15 minutes faster!

The point of today was to learn from the event, not to compete. So what have I learnt today?

1.     Me and Anne are brilliant

2.     I love triathlons

3.     Me and Anne are brilliant

4.     I need a road bike

5.     Me and Anne are brilliant

6.     Don't layer up (whispers) "down there"

7.     Me and Anne are brilliant

8.     Tri suits and elastic laces are the way forward

9.     Me and Anne are brilliant

10. I need to carry on losing weight to stop it being so hard 

11. Me and Anne are brilliant

12. If you want something bad enough, you can do anything

As always after my races my first interest is the medal, I want to make sure it’s worth it! This one didn't disappoint! 

So, am I still scared of water? No, but I'm not 100% comfortable in the pool. Can I ride a bike? Of sorts, I can point it in the right direction and pedal. It’s a long way to go, a lot more weight to lose and a lot of training to do but I have got this far. Over the last 18 months I've seen how hard @TheIron_Bear has worked to get to where he is today, and I never doubted for a minute that he would do it, can I do it too? I wouldn't bet against me. The serious stuff starts now!